“Mom, Dad, and Ben”
I weightlessly float through a deep blue sea. I tumble slowly and feel completely free. My teal surroundings swirl to a deep purple. Specks of stardust flicker around me. I feel the soft sensation on my feet and legs, trickling to my chest. Stars run across my legs and arms. They play tag along my body until they hop into my torso.
My ribcage aches. Warmth fills my lungs and quickly claws at my heart. It burns. I try to get my hands to my chest but it’s no use. The feeling erupts from every part of my body. Every limb. Every finger.
It’s suffocating me. The darkness.
Through my cloudy surroundings, I see a light. I see her.
The fire in her eyes is unmistakable. Pushing through the thick water, I make an effort to swim up to meet her. Her soft smile turns to a frown.
“I need you, Ben. You’re the only one who can help me.”
I’m losing air, but my arms don’t stop pushing so I can reach her.
Bubbles fumble out of my mouth when I try to say her name. Panic swarms me. The stars are crushing my lungs.
“Ben, you’re my only hope.”
Rey’s face begins to drift away. The light following her like a lost pet.
My fingers reach out towards the light, but it’s already gone.
I need her back. I need to get her back.
“You’re my only hope.”
I wake up gasping for breath, covered in thick sheets of sweat. The blankets twisted around my legs are half off the bed. Lifting a cold hand to my forehead, I take deep breaths and try to calm down.
I told her, I think between breaths, I can’t believe I told her.
“NO!” I accidentally caw aloud. I can’t believe I told her. He’s going to find out. Snoke. He’s going to see it—the truth. I could be in danger now. Should I close it off? Why did I tell her? I could be killed for this. WHY DID I TELL HER?
I keep punching and pounding until my arms feel like they’ve been used as jump ropes. My breaths are hard and labored. I fall back on my bed and let my head fall into my hands.
I know why I told her…
As mad as I get, I know why, and I can’t pretend that I’m not relieved that I told her.
With eyelids drooping, I lie back down in my bed and turn over on my side, facing the wall. Flashes of my parents race through my mind.
“I told you he wasn’t ready for that,” Mom says.
I remember it like I’m there right now.
“How was I supposed to know that?” Dad replies, frustrated. His voice is gravelly and tired.
“I told you.”
Their voices are muffled behind closed doors, but even I can hear the desperation in their voices. My feet shuffle towards the conversation.
“He’s just so young…” Mom says, probably making that face she does when she tries to hide her sorrow.
“There’s something wrong with him, though, Leia.”
My stomach turns at Dad’s words. It’s as if he threw a ship at my chest.
Dad? I didn’t do anything. What are you talking about?
“It’s not Ben…not exactly, anyway,” Mom whispers (not quietly enough). She mumbles about something messing with my mind, or someone. I squint my eyes to concentrate on what they’re saying. Then Mom says it: “You know what we need to do, Han.”
The walls crumble around me.
I’m back in my chambers on the destroyer.
Warm liquid falls down my face. I bury it in my pillow and finally let myself sob about it. That day when even my parents were afraid of me, and I had no idea why.
I don’t have much time to compose myself when I feel her presence. I sit up and turn around.
“Ben, I need you. You’re the only person who will understand…” her eyes look wet and tired. She’s trembling. “You’re the only person who can help me.”
My heart stops.
Gathering myself and clearing my throat, I move closer to her.
“I’m here for you, Rey. What’s going on?”
Find each chapter of ‘The Madness that Binds Us’ here.